Part of my goal with Emily Dukes Photography is to achieve a healthy work-life balance.
Who doesn’t want that, right? I have seen how much easier it is to live in the moment and appreciate small victories when I have been able to focus on my happiness along with (not in spite of) my hustle. And of course I would be remiss if I didn’t mention how much easier work is when I have all the support in the world (looking at you mom & dad, amazing friends + siblings). BUT back to the point…all of this “balance” talk makes me think of the trendy topic of mindfulness, so I went on a quest to bring it into my life so that I could test it out for myself.
Mindfulness is simply the practice of being aware of our selves, our surroundings, & our higher purpose in each moment, using a gentle & nurturing lens.
The concept may seem perfectly intuitive to some, while others feel it is an impossible hurdle to surmount. We may not even realize that we are not being mindful until someone shakes our core understanding of an idea or a situation, and we find ourselves thinking about it from a different angle. I know I have a tendency to distract myself from my emotions so much that I ultimately act on whims that make no logical sense at all, or I just feel nothing at all in my quest for happiness.
I have asked a couple of influential women close to me to examine their idea of mindfulness and I have compiled their answers so that you can join in on the journey, knowing that mistakes and struggles are definitely the “norm.” Both women who were kind enough to be honest about their struggles with mindfulness are from different faith backgrounds. We all have a few things in common: we feel that our society does not necessarily help us achieve this healthy mindset, therefore, we have to make major choices and moves towards these practices on our own, which is often the biggest hurdle of all.
What does “being mindful” mean to you in a broad sense? What about day-to-day?
Hope: Mindfulness I think, in a broad sense, to me, is very much just trying to remember that everything isn’t only about me. Remembering to be present and aware of my actions and surroundings. That I don’t know what’s happening with the driver that just cut me off and not to automatically decide they are a terrible human... and even if they are being a terrible human to make sure that I’m not being one. To be aware of my emotions but not controlled by them - how they say you’re a mountain and your emotions are clouds - let them pass you by and don’t just decide to hold on to them (in a negative aspect).
Peggy: I think of mindfulness as simply a commitment to being present and aware. It can take a lot of forms in its practical application: awareness of the body, thoughts, senses, actions, combinations of all those or even all at once. It can feel like taking a step back from every single thing and becoming an observer rather than an “interacter.” Something arises in the space that is created by this--an aliveness, a vividness. That feeling is what keeps me coming back to the practice and what I associate mindfulness with. Watching all of the fluctuations of the world so closely and being with them so fully that there is no room for your reactions or preferences. Everything simply is.
But I’ve noticed I have two kinds of mindfulness practices--one is for the purpose of detaching from fluctuations, and the other is for the purpose of fully experiencing. When I am truly, fully present with my senses--feeling the air move across my skin, letting every sound take its time dancing in my ear, noticing the details of every contour and shadow--I can experience a heightened state that feels like oneness, and wholeness.
That sounds lofty, and sometimes it feels that way, but sometimes mindfulness is just fully feeling into the movements of my body while I flush the toilet and stare at the bags under my eyes in the mirror. Or sitting with a painful feeling rather than instinctually distracting myself from it. And then crying like a baby. And being devoted to feeling the tears spew out as fully as possible.
What do you think is the most challenging thing about maintaining a positive outlook on the world?
HM: I think it’s easier to be sad than to happy in the world. Happiness and positivity take work. I think that somewhere we’ve always been rooted to look out for negative things whether that be a big cat or someone who disagrees with you - It’s easier now to be more negative and judgmental than ever - I think social media has given everyone a sense of entitlement to just how important theirselves/opinions are - which a lot of times is shoving very selfish, negative, and depressing information in our faces. Or even ideals/emotions that aren’t currently happening in our lives - jealousy and deep envy.
PDJ: Probably the absolute nonsense of it--no one deserves to suffer, period. Yet so many do, indescribably.
What advice would you give someone who feels that mindfulness takes too much energy? What would make the shift worth it, in your opinion?
HM: I think that I’ve never completed something difficult and not felt good about it; felt accomplished because of it. I think that obviously it’s better to be happy and considerate though it may take more work. Take the challenge: don’t sit and rot, grow! Don’t contribute to the exact things that, deep down, you despise! Don’t be the person that pulls out in front of others, don’t be the person in a fit of rage because their order got messed up - we’re all just humans - so be a human that tries.
PDJ: I would argue that mindfulness saves you energy. It may feel like an investment at first. But in every moment, a mindfulness practice asks/allows you to be present fully with whatever is directly in front of you. Usually we are concentrating on so many things at once--your body is in one place (but you’re not fully in it), your mind is in at least 3 other places every 5 seconds. There is so much movement in that. Mindfulness pushes all but the present aside and you’re left with room to breathe. That doesn’t sound tiring to me. It’s not easy either, but it’s a skill that is learned and strengthened over time. A lot of forgiveness is required--worrying about or shaming yourself for how “well” you think you’re doing at it or how much time you let slide by between practices is egoic and beside the point. Attachment to this requires effort of the mind, and you cannot effort your way into stillness. Any struggle precludes you from allowing calm to arise. You could argue that mindfulness actually takes zero energy. It feels challenging because we are so accustomed to exerting energy at all times.
When we are in-tune to what is happening in the present, we can more clearly see the past and move into the future.
It may feel challenging to get started with mindfulness, but the most beneficial realizations come when we push ourselves. And don’t forget to support others while they’re pushing!
P.S. If these ladies dazzle you as much as they do me, be sure to follow along with Peggy’s stick-n-poke tattoo journey here & Hope’s precious angel pup + plants here.